Retribution...

Is at work... I know it... There's nothin I can do but to accept it... It's caused by me, thus I should be the 1 facing the music... the consequences... there's no 1 to blame except myself...

Happy for u...

Maybe it makes me feel less guilty.. But it's the best thing that has turned out so far this yr for me.. Wishing u the all the happiness..

Changes in life...

in less than 2mths, so much has changed..

goin forward is shitty.. rewinding the fast is painful.. being in the present is tormanting..

when can it all end???

Time alone

has been something i learnt in church, when i still use to go to church regularly..

it's supposedly one's time alone with God.. talkin & reflecting.. but now it's time for me to reflect on my own tots..

but all this while, i have been making sure i use up all my energy before i sleep.. so i dun need to think so much.. to think of stuff dat doesn't give me solutions but add more problems to the existing problems..

really feel under the shit.. i wonder when can i see the light to the tunnel.. is it like how some pple describe their "near death experience" when i can see light.. seriously, i dun forsee myself in dat situation.. cuz most prob i'm gonna end up down there instead.. or even neither here nor there..

now, when i'm out of the country.. when there's nothin i can do.. no distractions, calls or anyhtng, i'm forced to sit & think.. whether i like it or not..

the feeling of emptiness is unavoidable.. stuff & events dat happened over these few yrs seem to be in a blur.. bascially, losing myself in this all.. & i dun even realise it.. & worse, there's nothin in my control to change or do anythng abt it..

just tired.. really tired of it all.. the feeling of alone.. the feeling of no 1 really understands u.. but these are all my own doings.. my own fault.. but it's also out of my control.. my initial idea is to protect.. the less u know the better.. esp when there's nothin others can help in, why bother others abt it.. though, eventually, i know.. i most prob will lose it all & end up with nothin at all..

i need to find the rainbow, even before i can see the end of the rainbow.. it's shit storm 1 after the other..

More than a yr with no posts..

usually it has been no news means gd news.. unfortunately it's not..

it has been a low & even more lows period.. it's so low, i dun think i deserve anything now..

after not blogging for a yr, started by reading all my past posts.. i remembered there used to be replies to some of my posts, but now there are gone.. who says times in the virtual world remains.. it's all lost.. like time.. like almost everything..

this will now be my personal diary.. something somewhere somebody i can talk to.. hopefully i will remember about this tomorrow & not forget it again.. not at least until the next unfortunate incident and i need a place to rant & just let it out..

anyway, there shldn't be anyone ready this.. here lies somebody just forgotten in time.. i hope.. just disappearing into the shadows.. into the crowd.. so different from the initial of trying to standout.. to be different.. to garner the attention..

it's 886 days to 21 Dec 2012.. will it really be end of the world??

2nd moving..

seems dat everytime i do a move, it has to be cuz of some bad event.. am waiting for the day that i'm moving cuz of something gd that has happened..

the feeling of just sittin down & not doing anything.. jus waiting for everything to just pass by.. but unfortunately things wun get better even if i ignore it.. gotta just face up to matters.. whether i like it or not..

been feeling moody esp these days.. for some matter or something.. can't just put my finger to it.. one moment can just laugh & the next, dun feel like doing anything.. it's a crappy feeling.. like abit of split personality..

anyway, my next posting shld be from my temp abode in bishan.. in fact, now is the moment where i can feel who actually my real friends.. ppl who help me in the time of need.. to these friends, i really want to thank them.. life would have been worse if not for u all.. thanks!

Waiting for a glimmer of hope..

in striking TOTO.. 1st prize & sole winner.. that will be the perfect thing to happen now.. not dat it'll solve the problems.. but at least lessen the impact..

realised that i usually blog when things are not going rite.. though it hardly goes rite in the 1st place.. so ya.. crappy..

just gotta rein in my own expenditure now..