Can't think of a place to post.... 

so decide to write it here... 

Congratulations to u & ur hubby... Sincerely wishing u a Happy & Blissful marriage... 

F***KED UP...

I really deserve this shit....

For all the wrong I've done.... I know I deserve this shit... but when is it gonna end??????

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why did the world didn't end................... why why why..... can't take it much longer....

1 year on...

another post in this personal diary of mine...

time really flies... posting a year on... mood remains the same.. but the body has grown older & even more tired...

keeping myself busy by numbing through daily activities & not have time to think alone... getting nowhere wif life & i see dun see the light...

just found myself getting lonelier & lonlier.. but no one to tell... crap... & i can only say i deserve it...

Retribution...

Is at work... I know it... There's nothin I can do but to accept it... It's caused by me, thus I should be the 1 facing the music... the consequences... there's no 1 to blame except myself...

Happy for u...

Maybe it makes me feel less guilty.. But it's the best thing that has turned out so far this yr for me.. Wishing u the all the happiness..

Changes in life...

in less than 2mths, so much has changed..

goin forward is shitty.. rewinding the fast is painful.. being in the present is tormanting..

when can it all end???

Time alone

has been something i learnt in church, when i still use to go to church regularly..

it's supposedly one's time alone with God.. talkin & reflecting.. but now it's time for me to reflect on my own tots..

but all this while, i have been making sure i use up all my energy before i sleep.. so i dun need to think so much.. to think of stuff dat doesn't give me solutions but add more problems to the existing problems..

really feel under the shit.. i wonder when can i see the light to the tunnel.. is it like how some pple describe their "near death experience" when i can see light.. seriously, i dun forsee myself in dat situation.. cuz most prob i'm gonna end up down there instead.. or even neither here nor there..

now, when i'm out of the country.. when there's nothin i can do.. no distractions, calls or anyhtng, i'm forced to sit & think.. whether i like it or not..

the feeling of emptiness is unavoidable.. stuff & events dat happened over these few yrs seem to be in a blur.. bascially, losing myself in this all.. & i dun even realise it.. & worse, there's nothin in my control to change or do anythng abt it..

just tired.. really tired of it all.. the feeling of alone.. the feeling of no 1 really understands u.. but these are all my own doings.. my own fault.. but it's also out of my control.. my initial idea is to protect.. the less u know the better.. esp when there's nothin others can help in, why bother others abt it.. though, eventually, i know.. i most prob will lose it all & end up with nothin at all..

i need to find the rainbow, even before i can see the end of the rainbow.. it's shit storm 1 after the other..